finding light in the darkness

“I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved me over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.”  

This year is almost over, (thank goodness for that) Though it was not terrible all around. It brought happy times along with the sad ones, we just never imagined we would be ending it on a sad one.
As Christmas approaches my family has put up the trees and done the shopping, I just don't think our hearts are in it this year. Its difficult to be happy when you feel like the Joy was taken away that could have been.
The hardest thing within the past few months is that life has gone on. I know that sounds ridiculous and cliché, but it has. Thanksgiving came and went, birthdays, other babies being born into our extended family. Its hard to attempt to "move on" when it seems so wrong.. almost impossible. Other people have, they came and went to a burial sight, they prayed for our family during the darkest days. But life has moved on and with it some of the newness of the harsh memories and pain.
Not for my sister, sitting at lunch a few days ago she mentioned that the day of September 5th replays in her head every day. To hear her talk about her baby almost makes your heart physically hurt.
Sometimes she talks about the conversations they have at "his place". There are days I call her and ask what she is doing and she will say " headed back from visiting with Bryant". He lives with her every day, he is missed every day. And somehow within all this darkness we have to find the light.

I love the quote at the top of this page, how very true it is. I believe God gives everyone darkness in their life so they can appreciate the light. Some people have more darkness than others, and with that I think he gives the most to the people He knows an handle it. I know before this year I never knew my sister had the strength in her to get through everything she has. I know that strength came from God. And I am so thankful that He provides that in the darkest of times.

With all this said, we will go through Christmas this year with one empty stocking, a few less gifts than planned, and an empty place in our hearts. But behind all that darkness, we can find peace knowing Christmas is celebrated for a baby who was born to save us. And without that we would have no hope of seeing the ones we love again.
Thank you Jesus for Christmas and for giving the light .... and the dark