The days get easier, and then there are really hard moments when everything comes rushing back. The what ifs, the could have been's, the hurt that will never go away. Not a day goes by I don't miss my nephew. Days like today when me mom and molly go shopping I cant help but think what this day would be like if he were here. We would be pushing a stroller, it would take us twice as long to get anywhere and we would hear little cries from the back seat.. It would all be worth it.
Though Bryant is not with us I do have to share how proud I am as his aunt for all the love he has shown even from heaven.
A week ago a woman from Lindale Tx posted Bryant's story to her blog. Molly had come across this blog soon after Bryant's birth because this woman (Brittany) has a story almost identical to Molly and Brad's. Her and her husband lost their baby girl Hannah last year at 38 weeks and they understand so much of what Molly and Brad are going through with this new emptiness in the family.
This month of October being "infant loss awareness month" Brittany was posting other mommy's stories on her blog. Molly had written a beautiful heart wrenching story of Bryant that she hadn't shared with anyone quite yet, she had written it for herself while everything was still fresh on her mind and heart.
Thankfully Molly sent this story to Brittany and soon it was revealed for many people to read, oh and it did! Molly got a message a few days ago that read this :
" Molly, I know that numbers are not everything. but I wanted to share something special with you. I wanted to thank you for your story and tell you that so many were able to read your words. I'm not exactly why or how, if it was the pregnancy and infant loss day yesterday or just the Lord wanted so many to hear your story
But since your story was posted yesterday already 2,612 people have read your words. Its the highest number i've ever had for one post in one day. Your story is beautiful. That's your little man touching the lives of so many with the story of our Great God. - Again I know the numbers will never ever replace your sweet son, but I just thought you should know how the Lord is using Bryant's story."
As I said earlier, I went shopping with mom and molly today, it was hard. It didn't used to seem there were that m any babies in the world and now its as though every time we turned around today there was a cry, a scream, a giggle.. I would catch my sister staring at a little boy holding back tears. I could see the wheels rolling in her head thinking of how this day could have been so different.
I want there to be hope, I want to find hope in that God will provide us with another baby one day, not to take the place of Bryant, but to heal parts of our heart that went with him. I want to see my sister be a mommy to a (as she says, "earth baby") I have faith that God will provide that. He had a plan for our Bryant Cole. Maybe that plan was to write a story that mommy's down the road will read when they are mourning a lost child. Whatever the reason, I would never have thought a baby whom never breathed a breath of air from this world could be such an influence on so many.
Bryant's story can be read on hintofhess.blogspot.com
I am so proud to be his aunt, and he will forever be OUR ANGEL BABY.
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